Death is coming

The closer death creeps up upon me the less I am able to understand the reasons for life or living.

Yes I have experienced a close family member dying and unlike television it takes decades to handle such a thing. To think I am going to put my family through such a thing when I finally leave is more horrific to me than the thought of death itself.

My life was and is still a learning experience but when all said and done what am I to do with all this accumulated learning over my lifetime if I just die. There is no logic or reason to this.

Long ago I became aware that the God story that is sold to the majority is just a nice story to give mankind with a message of a basic layout of how nice life could be if everyone followed these ideas. Not many in life do and if one thinks about it the good and evil structures actually depend on each other. The good that can be experienced in life is only understood as good when there is it's opposite to compare it to. This is not rocket science only common sense in reality. I am not saying we need to experience bad but understanding in it is needed to appreciate the great things many of us can have in our lives. From birth to death there are many ways mankind helps his fellow man. How many ways can you help?


Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Garage Sale Grief

By Sandy Ingram


When my daughter died many years ago, I wanted to hold on to anything I had that belonged to her...forever, I told myself. But as the years go by, I have found a greater meaning in letting go. First thing to do is take inventory of what there is, pick out items that you feel strongly about always keeping and put them aside.

It's very difficult to do by yourself because a catastrophic loss splits you into two people. One side of you is devastated and wants to just sit and wallow in the "why questions" ("why did she have to die?", "why did God take my husband?", "why didn't I do more?", "why is God doing this to me?", etc.). Since "why questions" have no answers, the fear, anger, guilt and shame just continue to emotionally pummel you into the ground. This is your emotional side, the side that is owned and operated by your ego. And your ego's job is to make you the center of the world, portray you as the biggest victim and use guilt and shame to make you drag your pain through the rest of your life.

The other side of you wants to move on, wants to start again, wants to try to make the most of whatever life is left. This side of you understands that the pain will change over time, the sun will shine again and your loss could be a great opportunity for personal growth. This is your logical side, the side that is owned and operated by your faith and belief that life and God have a better plan for you than eternal pain and suffering.

Time is a great healer. Even though you may feel that you cannot survive another day because the grief is so overwhelming, you can and you will. Face each day and conquer it! Spend time with friends and read uplifting books. These things can really help when dealing with grief. There are many books written about death and dying. If you believe in an afterlife, books about near death experiences can be helpful. After the loss of my brother I read several of these books and they brought me peace. I had a better understanding of what happened when he died and where he was now.

Some days you may feel like you just can't face the world, this is okay just don't let it become a habit. Many people let grief win and overtake their lives. They become consumed in their sorrow and almost cease to function. This actually becomes detrimental to their health. No matter how hard it may seem, you need to move forward. Keep your loved ones in your heart, but allow yourself to live as well. Think about what they would want. Would they want you to suffer endlessly because of their death?

It is a difficult and daunting task to go through everything and decide what one wants to keep forever, but finally after many years I, personally, was able to do it. Giving many of her things to others made me feel good and that I was doing something worthwhile for others.

Take your time deciding what to do with your child's things. Don't let anyone tell you "it's time to let go." And keep whatever has some meaning to you. Memories are all we have left of our child who died and if some items can put a smile on your face and make you feel good, then they are worth keeping as I have discovered. The rest can bring some joy to others, and our child will continue to live on.




About the Author:



No comments:

Post a Comment