Feelings are the language of our emotions. Feelings may also be fickle; thus we should not put complete dependance in them alone. I just read a technical article written on the emotions and by the time I plowed through all the technical language and theories, my head was spinning. All we need to know is
how to understand and cope with our feelings. We know that we have got a mind, will and emotions, and that they are closely connected, and that they all function from some part of the brain. That however does not help much
. What we will do in order to make a difference in how we feel is the crucial issue and also , the purpose of this paper. All of the different feelings that we have , whether they are positive or negative are the voices of some emotion or emotional drive. We have got the capacity for feelings for a good reason. They can protect us from harm or help to resolve issues. Rather than ignore feelings, or try to sweep them under the carpet, we are best served by bringing them out into the bright daylight, so they can be inspected to determine their meaning. There are 3 vital points to consider for understanding and coping with feelings:
1. Why are these feelings present? 2. Do these feelings have a valid message? 3. Handling negative feelings Why are these feelings present? For example, why am I having this feeling of fear? First, trace it to its origin and see what's behind it. Here is a good illustration for understanding and dealing with what's called the 1 sense of fear, public speaking. Let us imagine you were asked to speak before a grouping of people and you are scared. To gain insight you need to explore all of the reasons why you feel that way; list them and think about them. One reason may be that you are scared you cannot remember what to say, and another may be that somebody else in the group may know lots more about the subject. Perhaps just pondering it creates plenty of stress, or it could be any quantity of other reasons that the emotion of fear would like you to believe.
How could you deal the 3 concerns discussed above? First, jot down your thoughts and have them right before you so that you can look at your notes when required. Secondly, prepare well and you'll likely know more about the subject than any other person who hasn't prepared. Thirdly, realize that stress is an in-built part of public talking. There'll always be some stress when you first get up to speak, but if you can control it for the initial few seconds, it'll dissipate, and then you can move smoothly through your talk. It is great to feel some stress because it keeps you on your toes and helps you to supply a better speech. Coping with other feelings follows this same straightforward format: understanding why; is it's a valid feeling, and learning how best to deal with it.
Another sort of feeling might be a low feeling, which we all experience at times , which has no obvious reason. Since there is not any plain reason for the feeling, why are we having it? Feelings regularly come to get our attention; they tell us that we are off course and need to realign ourselves. I have had a feeling like that this past week, and I began to think on it and try and decide why. It occurred to me that I was spending far too much time behind my PC, and that I needed to go out more, and meet with people more. My jeep had been sitting in the same spot for 4 days. With a little bit of work we can sometimes decide why we are having certain feelings and then take the proper action to cope with them.
Do these feelings have a good message? There are so very many sorts of feelings; some are valid and others are not and each needs its own method for dealing with it . I recollect the first girl I cared very much for; it wasn't love at the time, but I suspect it would have been. I met her when she was a particularly pretty sixteen year old and still in high school. We dated regular, but weren't dating steady. Nonetheless at about that point in time, I almost certainly would be prepared to date steady. I was still dating other girls infrequently and didn't think too much about whether she dated other boys or not until on our last date when she let me know that she was going to date an old friend of mine who had returned from California for a few days visit.
I knew what kind of person my. Pal was and what his objectives were, and I knew he would be leaving in a few days to return to California, and likely would have small concern for this girl. I told her I did not want her to date him. I knew he was not right for her but she insisted anyway. I told her fine, but that would be the end of our relationship for good. I realize now I Had no right to threaten her due to something she wished to do. I know she had the prerogative to date whomever she pleased. Anyhow she said she was going on the date. I will never forget the horrible feeling I had the following morning when I awakened and realized I had lost someone that I cared deeply for. I guess I didn't notice how much I cared till I had lost her.
My buddy left for California in a few days, and I also left for New York where I stayed and worked for about a year. I did well and bought a new red Ford convertible. I came back to my home town for a visit, and my old girlfriend was still there and still single, but she had now graduated high school. At her request, I took her for a ride in my new convertible and she voiced her desire to date me again. Perhaps due to the vehicle; I don't know. It was one of the toughest things I ever had to do to fight asking her out. I continue to cared deeply for her and she was a stunning girl. I opted not to ask her out because I knew if it had been so simple to lose her the 1st time, it might certainly happen again, and then I would go thru the agony of it once again. The way That I dealt with these feelings was a decision not with to go for it the second time around.
As I look back, that's the very best way I might have dealt with it. I was not setting myself up for the second time around. The issue was, and I realized that it, she probably did not feel about me as I did about her, so there wasn't any use in going further with it.
I'm so satisfied now that I made that selection because I met the lovely love of my life a little later, who was loving and true to me for 44 years until she passed away in 2005.
I never forgot the first girl fully, although I knew I had made the best decision. My other half and I went to my home city on occasion to go to visit relatives, and I was always curious about the office we passed on our way thru town that had the 1st name of that old girlfriend painted on the door, and I knew it was her trade, or had been when I last knew her. Well, after my wife died, my curiosity got the very best of me, so one time when I was there for a visit I stopped and went into the office; I didn't recognize the woman; it had now been around 50 years since I had seen her, but yes it was the girl, or rather older woman now, I Had last seen when she was only 18 years in age. That would make her around mid sixties now.
I told her who I was, and it did not appear to affect her that much, but she did invite me into her office for a talk. I learned she had been divorced and had remarried, and had one grown son. I was thinking, yes that could have been me that she divorced. So once again 50 years on it was confirmed I Had made a right decision not to date her again. The feelings I had at the time were valid because they were targeted in caring for somebody, but someone that allegedly didn't care as much in turn, and though the decision of how to handle those feelings was painful, it turned out to be the absolute best.
Another sort of feeling that requires a different strategy of handling is grief which is also a valid feeling . We may question why we must have grief. I lost my best friend for life and my loving companion, my better half, in June of 2005. I can not begin to tell you the depth of the loss I felt. The feeling was significantly different from all others before, and since; it cut deeply to the very core of my existence. This was not a feeling to handle and get past in a day. No, it would most likely take a solid 2 years to get past the worst and then another three years to get back to a fair existence. And the truth is I feel I will never fully get over it, but I am now ready to live my life with purpose and to continue with it. Read
How I Dealt with the Greatest Grief of my Life .
Greif is a different emotional feeling as it is similar to a medicine that heals a broken heart. Although it does works slowly, in time it works very well. Grieving is significant and may be permitted to take its natural course. It'll finally bring you out at the end of a dark tunnel into the bright sunshine of life again.
Yes, there are many different types of emotional feelings and many alternative ways of handling them . Sometimes they're there to bring our life into alignment with our purpose, or to do their job to guard us from harm or bring us to a solution for a difficulty. Feelings in the main. Have a positive purpose and are in our best interest, but there are times when they don't serve our best interest because they are either baseless or negative. Possibly negative feelings that do not have any rational purpose are the commonest for the majority, and they have to be understood for what they are. They're invalid and don't serve our best interest and thus should be dropped. Negative feelings are a prime example of invalid feelings.
Dealing with negative feelings: Just making an attempt to put negative feelings out of mind doesn't work, it only buttresss them. What we must do is to redirect the negative feeling to a positive feeling. An individual that is known as a negative person has just built up a fortress of negative feelings that have taken over their character.
Let us get back to the concept of redirecting an unwelcome feeling into a positive one. Someone used the following illustration concerning how to use chaining, which is a memory method, to redirect negative feelings. I use the chaining memory technique and I know it works. So here is how it operates to redirect a negative feeling:
Let us say you have the negative feeling that
I am an idiot Utilising the chaining method with clear images we would dress ourselves up as a clown in our mind with a dunce hat of course and we are jumping up and back down, screaming like a dork,
I am an idiot. There are folk all around us applauding and someone in the group tosses us a light which we screw right into the top of our head. It begins to glow till it is very bright and it is blinding to the crowd. We then begin to jump up and back down and scream that we are extremely bright. The idea is that when we entertain the negative feeling that we are an idiot that our mind immediately transfers the thought to the adjoining image on how bright we are.
I know precisely what you are thinking: that's so foolish! Yes it is, but the brain reacts to surprising, dumb things better. Our purpose is to get our mind to transfer the self-destructive thought immediately to a positive one, and the brain will reply if it's so directed. If this sounds too stupid to try, I'd like to tell you a true story from the Bible. A man with leprosy came to Jesus to be healed, and Jesus ordered him to go dip himself in the Jordon River 7 times and be healed, and the man went away indignant refusing to do such a foolish thing. Nonetheless one of his servants persuaded him to try anyhow, so he probably did and was healed. Had it not been for that servant, he would never have been healed, but would have rotted away with the disease.
So it is with each one of us; if we aren't ready to try to change our negative feelings, we will have to suffer the result of them which can limit our success and happiness in life radically. If an individual can transfer one reoccurring negative feeling, then he will also be able to do the same with another and another and so on.
Conclusion: The primary target in dealing with feelings is to figure out why they're there and
if they're valid and
the most effective way to cope with them . Infrequently they must just run their course like the feeling of grief; other times we need to make a few changes in our way of life and then infrequently we need to reason out whatever method that best suits the feeling and then sort it, which in a number of cases could be just letting it die.
