Death is coming

The closer death creeps up upon me the less I am able to understand the reasons for life or living.

Yes I have experienced a close family member dying and unlike television it takes decades to handle such a thing. To think I am going to put my family through such a thing when I finally leave is more horrific to me than the thought of death itself.

My life was and is still a learning experience but when all said and done what am I to do with all this accumulated learning over my lifetime if I just die. There is no logic or reason to this.

Long ago I became aware that the God story that is sold to the majority is just a nice story to give mankind with a message of a basic layout of how nice life could be if everyone followed these ideas. Not many in life do and if one thinks about it the good and evil structures actually depend on each other. The good that can be experienced in life is only understood as good when there is it's opposite to compare it to. This is not rocket science only common sense in reality. I am not saying we need to experience bad but understanding in it is needed to appreciate the great things many of us can have in our lives. From birth to death there are many ways mankind helps his fellow man. How many ways can you help?


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Take Recourse To Grief Counseling If You Find it Hard Dealing With Losing Someone You Love

By Winston Dunbar


Loosing some one you love is not easy. The death may be well expected or it can be sudden; but it always leaves you empty and numb. It is natural for the survivors to remain immersed in grief for a considerable period and during that time you often find them absent minded or even crying. Some may withdraw socially or feel reluctant to go back to work. In extreme cases, such a loss may even cause some physical changes and the mourners may experience trembling, nausea, muscle weakness, dry mouth, troubled breathing, sleeping or eating.

In short, dealing with losing someone you love is always painful; some may not demonstrate the grief outwardly; but there is hardly anyone who will not feel the pain of such a loss. Most of us have some inbuilt mechanism that helps us to overcome the severest of all grieves and start life afresh. However, there is no time limit for that; you cannot really specify how long a person will take to overcome it.

Under normal circumstances, one does not take more than three or four months to put tragedies such as loss of a loved one behind and start behaving normally. You may say that there are plenty of people who do that from the day one; but know them to be proud people who do not like to show their grief in public. One is bound to be affected by such loss unless one is very demonic by nature. Those who do keep a smiling face may be bleeding at heart.

Greif experts say that it is always best if you can cry out loud. This will at least show that you have been able to accept the death. Recovery becomes easier if you can do that both emotionally and intellectually. Sometimes it happens that despite accepting death intellectually, people refuse to do that at the emotional level. This happens more when the death is sudden.

There can indeed be nothing worse than sudden loss of a loved one. The survivor may behave normally, but deep inside he will always be afraid. If for example one spouse has died in a road accident, the surviving spouse will always be afraid of losing the kids in the similar way and may create a ruckus if they are little late in coming home. Worst of all, such people are always misunderstood by their close ones. Few actually can understand the trauma he or she has experienced while the kid was having a gala time with his friends.

At the same time, the impact of such a loss need not always be negative. It can also prompt you to do all those jobs you have been ignoring to do till today. However, you must understand that even those positive actions are the result of an inherent fear; the fear of losing a dear one. One should try to get rid of it as fast as possible; otherwise, it will harm the griever in some other way.

Losing a loved one may be sad, but you must deal with it in the proper way. You must understand that: * Time is the best healer and so one must be given enough time. * Talk to your near ones if that makes you feel better. If you want to be left alone, tell them so. After all, most of them are your well wishers and so they do understand. * Cry out loud, if you feel like crying. It often helps one to overcome grief. Don't feel guilty if you cannot cry; it surely does not indicate that you feel less. * One should make conscious effort to come out of the grief. Once the funeral is over do endeavor to go back to work, meet friends and attend social occasions. * If you cannot make yourself to socialize or lead a normal life, try contacting support groups. * If nothing works do take professional help.

More and more are taking recourse to professional help today. Grieving is a very complicated phenomenon and different people react to death and the consequence loss of a loved one differently. They also take different time to overcome it. That is why, in spite of their best intentions, friends often fail to help. Today the support of the extended family is almost negligible. A qualified counselor will be able to do wonders and bring you back to your feet at the shortest possible time. Today, funeral homes offer grief counseling and so you can consult the director of the home for that.




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