Authored by Jimmie Burroughs
I have dealt with grief many times in my life, but the toughest grief I've ever had to handle was the lost of by other half who was also my absolute best buddy. Not only did I have to lose her to death, but I also had to see her suffer the discomfort and suffering of cancer and die a slow and painful death. All of us must experience grief at some particular point in our life. I want to help you if you are experiencing grief now, or when you do at some future time, by sharing how I dealt with the greatest grief of my life, and what I did that helped me the most.
Grief is the physical, emotional and mental conditions experienced by a loss of somebody close. It's the body's natural ability of healing our emotional injury. Grieving can be very tough if there is a absence of understanding. Normally it is experienced in 3 distinct phases which lead up to a final acknowledgment and capability to continue on with life:
1. The first phase is Shock or a denial of what's happened. This will last only a little while or can be increased almost indefinitely. The sooner one can get to grips with the reality of it, the better.
2. The second phase is The Expression of Grief which can take many various approaches such as outrage, depression or an over whelming feeling of loss. This can last for several days, or for some even several years. I have known some who were never ready to get past this phase.
3. The third and final phase is Approval. The purpose of grief is to move a person continuously along thru all three phases until eventually they reach the point of acknowledgment. At this point they're now ready to resume their life, or seek an exciting new direction for their life.
Understanding grief and knowing how to Deal with it is important. It is not that uncommon for someone to mourn themselves to death. Sometimes when somebody loses a loved one, they also die within a few months because of the stress it brings to their body. Although grief is a therapeutic process in itself, if it is not understood, and if care isn't brought to let it do its natural work, then the end results can be devastating. The objective is to handle grief in a way as to bring healing in a reasonable period.
Different ways of responding to grief
Grief is an ordinary and natural reply to any type of loss, particularly to the death of a buddy or loved one. People make a response to loss in a variety of ways. Many ways are healthy and others are not quite so healthy. Grief, itself, is a coping mechanism, but it is easy to obstruct the grieving process by not understanding it and without knowing how to work through it. Grieving is not a matter of just forgetting, nor is it a technique that must continue for ever and ever.
There are many emotions that different folk feel at the loss of a friend. I had just a few, but each person will have a different experience; some will experience few emotions while some of the others may experience many. The right way is to let emotions run their course. Here is basically what I experienced when I lost my other half to cancer:
- An occasional Bout of crying
- A unhappiness in my heart
- A feeling or sensing the loved one's presence
- An occasional need to inform and retell stories about my loved one and the death experience
- An occasional sense of restlessness
There are numerous other feelings that you may experience and that's quiet alright; everyone experience grief differently.
Things I have done to help deal with my grief
1. I attempted to give myself a satisfactory period of time to work through the grief process before going on to make serious decisions or changes in my life. The time factor is different for every person; some are able to get through it in a few months and others take longer. Generally I believe that I was at the point of approval and ready to move on with my life in a year. I do not mean to claim it was totally pass in a year although it was satisfactory. I'm really not sure someone ever gets completely past it. I can't say I have yet and it is just about seven years since my better half died.
2. After you have worked through the initial grief, it might be good to restructure your life, or to better outline who you are now. Death of a close loved one, like a spouse, has the tendency to change. Our perspective of ourselves as well as life. This was true for me and I found that I was prepared to make some significant changes in my way of life. It took just about a year to work it out, but once I did it opened up a totally new life which has brought much satisfaction.
3. I let go of objects that caused me to think of my loss. I felt a need to give away the majority of my wife's personal belongings. I kept some of her jewellery but plan to give everything away over time.
You may wish to keep a few mementoes. For me , however , I feel I am going to need to let these things go little by little. I feel by doing this I shall also be letting my spouse go, and letting the grief evaporate more. I know my wife wouldn't have wanted me to waste my life pining away for her. She'd have wanted me to carry on with my life at the earliest opportunity.
4. I discovered that writing about my experiences in my blog helped me to see through the bad and see the good. If you don't have a blog, utilise a gratitude journal; it'll do amazing things in helping to triumph over a broken heart. There is a lot of misery and agony in life there is however also such a lot to live for that over shadows the negative.
5. I started a new hobby. I started to learn how to play the guitar and sing country and gospel songs. It has added hours of pleasure to my life. I am taking time each day to practice the new songs I've been taught and it also gives me a challenge and is a great source of exercise for my brain. It's been a source of healing for me.
6. I joined a support group with those that also were experiencing grief. Customarily the bigger churches have a continuing support group. I joined one in my church which was particularly useful to find out how others were handling their grief.
7. I accepted the help and support of others. I had a brother-in-law who helped me a lot by keeping in touch with me in the difficult times. There are those who love you that are worried about you and they would like to help you. Let them regardless of whether it does not turn out help you that much, they need to know they are attempting to help.
8 .I've a relationship with The Lord God . Of everything that have helped me, my relationship with The Lord God has been the most beneficial. God guarantees his grace to help us in all types of negative experiences that we go through in life. That includes the death of loved ones and even the time when we must face our own death.
9. I never used medicine during my grief and would never consider turning to drink and drugs. Drugs and alcohol only suppress grief; they keep the method from moving forward so that a person becomes frozen in the state of grief and aren't able to let it do its healing power.
10. I changed into a volunteer to help others. This is another thing that helped me tremendously. I joined a body that did volunteer construction and maintenance for establishments and individuals that would not afford to hire it done. It required me to go in my motor home to the locations and spend a few months there. This won't be OK for most, but there also are masses of opportunities for volunteer work in your own city or city.
Factors that obstruct the recovery process
Never avoid or minimise your feelings. They're there for the purpose of helping you work thru your grief; let them do their job without resistance.
- Do not use alcohol or drugs to self-medicate or prescribed pharmaceuticals either if you can avoid it.They only delay the process of healing and never help move it forward.
- Don't avoid your affections by using work, school or socializing as a distraction. Facing up to our feelings permits us to handle them and to get them behind us rather than having them hanging around in the backdrop to always be taunting us
Conclusion
I realize that each one of us are dissimilar and have different wants and to generalize the grief process is not going to satisfy all needs for everybody, but I do accept that a general experience of how it functions is beneficial for all. I'm hoping that this post has been a help to you as you go through grief or the time in your future when it comes. If it has been a help, please share it with another person. If you're experiencing difficulty or you feel that you can not handle your grief, don't be afraid to get professional help.
.
.
I have dealt with grief many times in my life, but the toughest grief I've ever had to handle was the lost of by other half who was also my absolute best buddy. Not only did I have to lose her to death, but I also had to see her suffer the discomfort and suffering of cancer and die a slow and painful death. All of us must experience grief at some particular point in our life. I want to help you if you are experiencing grief now, or when you do at some future time, by sharing how I dealt with the greatest grief of my life, and what I did that helped me the most.
Grief is the physical, emotional and mental conditions experienced by a loss of somebody close. It's the body's natural ability of healing our emotional injury. Grieving can be very tough if there is a absence of understanding. Normally it is experienced in 3 distinct phases which lead up to a final acknowledgment and capability to continue on with life:
1. The first phase is Shock or a denial of what's happened. This will last only a little while or can be increased almost indefinitely. The sooner one can get to grips with the reality of it, the better.
2. The second phase is The Expression of Grief which can take many various approaches such as outrage, depression or an over whelming feeling of loss. This can last for several days, or for some even several years. I have known some who were never ready to get past this phase.
3. The third and final phase is Approval. The purpose of grief is to move a person continuously along thru all three phases until eventually they reach the point of acknowledgment. At this point they're now ready to resume their life, or seek an exciting new direction for their life.
Understanding grief and knowing how to Deal with it is important. It is not that uncommon for someone to mourn themselves to death. Sometimes when somebody loses a loved one, they also die within a few months because of the stress it brings to their body. Although grief is a therapeutic process in itself, if it is not understood, and if care isn't brought to let it do its natural work, then the end results can be devastating. The objective is to handle grief in a way as to bring healing in a reasonable period.
Different ways of responding to grief
Grief is an ordinary and natural reply to any type of loss, particularly to the death of a buddy or loved one. People make a response to loss in a variety of ways. Many ways are healthy and others are not quite so healthy. Grief, itself, is a coping mechanism, but it is easy to obstruct the grieving process by not understanding it and without knowing how to work through it. Grieving is not a matter of just forgetting, nor is it a technique that must continue for ever and ever.
There are many emotions that different folk feel at the loss of a friend. I had just a few, but each person will have a different experience; some will experience few emotions while some of the others may experience many. The right way is to let emotions run their course. Here is basically what I experienced when I lost my other half to cancer:
- An occasional Bout of crying
- A unhappiness in my heart
- A feeling or sensing the loved one's presence
- An occasional need to inform and retell stories about my loved one and the death experience
- An occasional sense of restlessness
There are numerous other feelings that you may experience and that's quiet alright; everyone experience grief differently.
Things I have done to help deal with my grief
1. I attempted to give myself a satisfactory period of time to work through the grief process before going on to make serious decisions or changes in my life. The time factor is different for every person; some are able to get through it in a few months and others take longer. Generally I believe that I was at the point of approval and ready to move on with my life in a year. I do not mean to claim it was totally pass in a year although it was satisfactory. I'm really not sure someone ever gets completely past it. I can't say I have yet and it is just about seven years since my better half died.
2. After you have worked through the initial grief, it might be good to restructure your life, or to better outline who you are now. Death of a close loved one, like a spouse, has the tendency to change. Our perspective of ourselves as well as life. This was true for me and I found that I was prepared to make some significant changes in my way of life. It took just about a year to work it out, but once I did it opened up a totally new life which has brought much satisfaction.
3. I let go of objects that caused me to think of my loss. I felt a need to give away the majority of my wife's personal belongings. I kept some of her jewellery but plan to give everything away over time.
You may wish to keep a few mementoes. For me , however , I feel I am going to need to let these things go little by little. I feel by doing this I shall also be letting my spouse go, and letting the grief evaporate more. I know my wife wouldn't have wanted me to waste my life pining away for her. She'd have wanted me to carry on with my life at the earliest opportunity.
4. I discovered that writing about my experiences in my blog helped me to see through the bad and see the good. If you don't have a blog, utilise a gratitude journal; it'll do amazing things in helping to triumph over a broken heart. There is a lot of misery and agony in life there is however also such a lot to live for that over shadows the negative.
5. I started a new hobby. I started to learn how to play the guitar and sing country and gospel songs. It has added hours of pleasure to my life. I am taking time each day to practice the new songs I've been taught and it also gives me a challenge and is a great source of exercise for my brain. It's been a source of healing for me.
6. I joined a support group with those that also were experiencing grief. Customarily the bigger churches have a continuing support group. I joined one in my church which was particularly useful to find out how others were handling their grief.
7. I accepted the help and support of others. I had a brother-in-law who helped me a lot by keeping in touch with me in the difficult times. There are those who love you that are worried about you and they would like to help you. Let them regardless of whether it does not turn out help you that much, they need to know they are attempting to help.
8 .I've a relationship with The Lord God . Of everything that have helped me, my relationship with The Lord God has been the most beneficial. God guarantees his grace to help us in all types of negative experiences that we go through in life. That includes the death of loved ones and even the time when we must face our own death.
9. I never used medicine during my grief and would never consider turning to drink and drugs. Drugs and alcohol only suppress grief; they keep the method from moving forward so that a person becomes frozen in the state of grief and aren't able to let it do its healing power.
10. I changed into a volunteer to help others. This is another thing that helped me tremendously. I joined a body that did volunteer construction and maintenance for establishments and individuals that would not afford to hire it done. It required me to go in my motor home to the locations and spend a few months there. This won't be OK for most, but there also are masses of opportunities for volunteer work in your own city or city.
Factors that obstruct the recovery process
Never avoid or minimise your feelings. They're there for the purpose of helping you work thru your grief; let them do their job without resistance.
- Do not use alcohol or drugs to self-medicate or prescribed pharmaceuticals either if you can avoid it.They only delay the process of healing and never help move it forward.
- Don't avoid your affections by using work, school or socializing as a distraction. Facing up to our feelings permits us to handle them and to get them behind us rather than having them hanging around in the backdrop to always be taunting us
Conclusion
I realize that each one of us are dissimilar and have different wants and to generalize the grief process is not going to satisfy all needs for everybody, but I do accept that a general experience of how it functions is beneficial for all. I'm hoping that this post has been a help to you as you go through grief or the time in your future when it comes. If it has been a help, please share it with another person. If you're experiencing difficulty or you feel that you can not handle your grief, don't be afraid to get professional help.
.
.
About the Author:
About the author: Jimmie Burroughs is a motivationalspeaker and author who has been involved in teaching Christian Personal Developmentfor more than 30 years. There could be over 600 articles to help you on his website www.JimmieBurroughs.com in your personal expansion. Be sure to take vantage of the FREE offer to get theeBook The 4 Pillars for Personal Development while available.
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