In everyone's life, there is the one love affair that in spite of giving all that you have to the relationship, your partner still breaks your heart. The sharp jab to your belly and excruciating pain of abandonment is unique in its ability to incapacitate you and make you do regrettable blunders. The desperate attempts to save what you alone believe is a relationship worth saving produces humiliating encounters with your ex-love that hurt you even more. If your beloved happily moves on to a new love, you are left alone to wither and cry without the benefit of your lovers healing embrace. What can you possibly do to feel better? Here are five techniques to help you survive love grief.
Personal vs professional experience My personal experience as a counsellor working with many clients over the past years has given me lots of exposure. Yet nothing, not the training nor the experience has really prepared me for what life had in store for me on my journey with the grief of losing my child.
There are two problems with this argument. First, the empirical data is too weak to lead to grand generalizations: grief is just too multi-dimensional and unruly. Second, the empiricists could be right when they claim that today's counselors do not shorten the grief cycle, but they erroneously conclude that "grief work" is not necessary. Let me explain.
What Are the Odds Can you meet someone in high school, marry and stay together forever? You can, but it happens rarely these days. You have probably broken it off with other people in the past that you had grown tired of and perhaps, they suffered. You may have felt badly about hurting them, but you were over them and moved on. The difference here is only who walked away first. Most relationships fail, until you find the Right One.
Cut in half I feel emotionally cut in half, carrying a double edge sword: One side being happy for the twin that I have with me in physical form, the other side being ripped apart by grief and loss for the twin that I lost, the one that will never grow up with us. She was so small and her image will remain edged in my memory as I held her helpless little body in my arms for the first and only time.
The tears are shed in private. I usually keep to myself when I'm sad. That is most likely the reason why people think 'I'm fine'. It is as if I can see them sigh in relief as they don't have to deal with the uncontrollable reality of their own relationship with grief. Want to know more? Have a look at my blog.
I was able to improvise a grief-work based solution, while in the midst of the debilitating pain of losing my soulmate. I see no reason for grief theorists not to come up with their own creative prescriptions for measurably reducing grief. If they fail, the empiricists will have won the war; those who grieve will be collateral damage.
Personal vs professional experience My personal experience as a counsellor working with many clients over the past years has given me lots of exposure. Yet nothing, not the training nor the experience has really prepared me for what life had in store for me on my journey with the grief of losing my child.
There are two problems with this argument. First, the empirical data is too weak to lead to grand generalizations: grief is just too multi-dimensional and unruly. Second, the empiricists could be right when they claim that today's counselors do not shorten the grief cycle, but they erroneously conclude that "grief work" is not necessary. Let me explain.
What Are the Odds Can you meet someone in high school, marry and stay together forever? You can, but it happens rarely these days. You have probably broken it off with other people in the past that you had grown tired of and perhaps, they suffered. You may have felt badly about hurting them, but you were over them and moved on. The difference here is only who walked away first. Most relationships fail, until you find the Right One.
Cut in half I feel emotionally cut in half, carrying a double edge sword: One side being happy for the twin that I have with me in physical form, the other side being ripped apart by grief and loss for the twin that I lost, the one that will never grow up with us. She was so small and her image will remain edged in my memory as I held her helpless little body in my arms for the first and only time.
The tears are shed in private. I usually keep to myself when I'm sad. That is most likely the reason why people think 'I'm fine'. It is as if I can see them sigh in relief as they don't have to deal with the uncontrollable reality of their own relationship with grief. Want to know more? Have a look at my blog.
I was able to improvise a grief-work based solution, while in the midst of the debilitating pain of losing my soulmate. I see no reason for grief theorists not to come up with their own creative prescriptions for measurably reducing grief. If they fail, the empiricists will have won the war; those who grieve will be collateral damage.
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