Grief Recovery Counseling

By Maurice Turmel PhD

Back in my practice days I saw many individuals who were suffering the effects of grief and loss after having lost a close loved one. This could include a friend, spouse, child, partner, parent or other relative who had passed on suddenly due to illness or accident. Occasionally I was presented with a couple where one of them had recently received a terminal illness diagnosis and only had months to live. All of these situations were particularly traumatic in their own way.

The case of these latter couples was really no different than any case of grief and loss. In essence, both partners had to deal with their feelings. Once the terminally ill partner accepted the inevitability of their death, they seemed to have an easier time addressing this necessity. I saw this happen in my own family when my brother-in-law was diagnosed with terminal cancer a few years back. He has since passed away. It was my sister who suffered the most. She had to go on and manage life for her and their daughter by herself. In my experience, the surviving partner always had the most difficult time.

With counselling of any sort, the goal is to LISTEN! Not just the hear the words an individual was speaking, but to identify the Feelings behind them. When I would reflect back to the individual I always began with sounds like youre feeling " sad, angry, scared, anxious, depressed " whatever it was they were conveying. I would then ask them to check in to see if what I said was accurate. It usually was.

As the client revealed a particular feeling, or set of feelings, I would instruct them to focus and describe them in more detail. That required that they pay closer attention to the feeling and address all its aspects including any physical reactions. More often than not, tears would begin to flow as the feeling was expressed and then released. The process of describing feelings in detail helps release their associated pain. This became the essence of my approach to grief recovery counseling. I called this stage "priming the pump."

Some clients would ask about "Stages" and "Theories", usually after having read something or being given advice by a friend. Acknowledging this might be interesting as an intellectual curiousity, I would then re-focus them on their feelings because this was where successful grief recovery counseling had to go. After a few sessions they would realize that dealing with feelings always produced the most favorable results, so interest in side matters diminished. People soon realized that dealing with feelings over grief and loss had many additional benefits. In fact what they were learning about grief recovery and feelings had advantages that could be applied to other aspects of their lives.

Our society is geared toward Externals, like stages, graphs, charts, outlines and theories. Good counselling focuses on Internals " feelings, emotions and physical reactions. In other words, counselling focuses on The Heart where we feel our life and where emotional healing takes place. Once an individual is properly focused they can take it from there. A few tools like Journaling, Writing Letters to your lost loved one, listening to favourite music and poetry will put you in touch with Your Heart. You can now heal because you are now Listening!

A well written grief recovery book can become an excellent counselling companion as long as it is designed to put you in touch with your feelings. A fully narrated grief resource can take you even further. Since the feelings associated with grief and bereavement are so intense, youre practically there. Just a little push and the guidance counselling resource book and youre on your way. For most of us, all we need is Permission to Feel. Our heart and soul will take it from there because we have engaged our body and feeling natures innate healing capability.

With any recovery process there can be many distractions along the way. In the case of grief recovery these can come in the form of stages, charts and graphs that are intellectually interesting but have no value in terms of your recovery. Most religions, even though well-intentioned, fall short on this matter as well. A good grief resource, counselor or support group can help you focus on the heart of the matter which is your feeling nature. Externals, even when interesting, can detract you from the task at hand - healing your broken heart.

Grief recovery counseling is fairly straightforward once you understand the process. Applying externals to an internal problem is futile. Talking about your pain is not the same as experiencing it which is what a good counselor and grief recovery resource would have you do. You now know that feelings are the key to your recovery. Feeling your bereavement and grief may be painful at times but that difficulty will be short-lived. Applying tools that focus on feelings and help release them will move your healing along. What you will be left with is the love you have for that deceased loved one, and that's forever.

About the Author:

Dr Maurice Turmel is a veteran therapist with 25 years experiencewho has helped countless individuals undergoing grief recovery counseling. His newest release weaves storytelling with step by step instructions, music and poetry into a unique recovery resource that reproduces the grief recovery counseling experience.

How You to Get Some Space in Your Relationship

By Ricardo d Argence

We've all heard the phrase, "I need some space," but how much do you need, really, in a relationship? That really depends on the people in the relationship. Some people like to be together all the time, and some people like to spend time apart.

It can be difficult to find a good compromise that both people are happy with. This can be difficult if you each have very different feelings about just what is good about "togetherness" or "solitude." The key to finding a solution is to compromise on what each of you needs in a relationship in this regard, which will help you work through the challenge.

People's "space" needs differ. Some people don't like to be alone at all, and would rather spend all of their time around people -- family, friends, coworkers, their significant others. When they are alone, they feel a little lonely, a little lost.

Other people cherish their alone time. Without a little solitude every day they feel burdened and have a hard time relaxing. They feel that they always have to be �up� or �on� for other people when they�re around them, and it can be exhausting.

Of course, these are the two extremes when it comes to solitude versus "togetherness," but there are still other people who strike a balance between the two somewhere. They love to spend time together with partners, and they also want some time completely alone.

If both of you fall into that happy medium, then defining your space in a relationship should be pretty easy. And if you each fall into the same extreme group, where you both need lots of space or you both dislike being alone, things are made easier, too.

It can be a problem, though, if each of you has very different needs in that area. If you like your solitude and your partner doesn't want to be alone, you'll need to set some boundaries so that each of you gets at least some of what you want. Each of you will need to understand the other's point of view, and you'll need to compromise so that both of you feel your needs are being met as much as possible.

For example, let's say you need some time alone each day for at least a little while and your partner wants company around the clock. It can be a problem if you simply walk off to be on your own without making sure your partner knows this, and if you don't, he or she may feel neglected or that you don't want to be around him or her.

And if you hate being alone and your partner really wants some me-time, then by hanging around constantly you can start to make your partner feel smothered. Your partner might also think that there�s no trust there, and you won�t give him or her private time because you�re afraid of what he or she might do when you�re not around.

You can see that each of these situations could cause significant problems in a relationship. However, if you talk to each other with honesty and openness about how you feel, you should be able to have your solitude with your partners understanding.

And if your partner is someone who would rather hang around all the time when you'd rather be alone, simply realize that he or she doesn't need the kind of space you do in a relationship.

About the Author:

So there you have it. Some useful steps to get your ex back. Recapture the magic of that moments with the one you love.

Why A Personal Trainers Philosophy Matters to YOU

By Josef Brandenburg

Considering hiring a personal trainer? Before you sign on the dotted line, consider his or her personal trainers philosophy to see if he or she is even a good potential match for you. If the personal trainer you're considering has a website or a brochure, look specifically for their personal trainers philosophy in their documentation. And if you don't find it, ask! Insist on seeing it as the first step in the pre-qualifying process.

Hanging out a sign and calling themselves a personal trainer, does not make them a personal trainer. You need to find out their qualifications. You need to have some proof that they are in fact more knowledgeable than you about the body and its development. You need to be sure that that person is certified and qualified to coach and train you. Most importantly, you need to find out if their personality and ideas for your health the same as yours.

Working out with a personal trainer can often be compared to working with a therapist because you may find yourself confessing embarrassing secrets that you wouldn't want anyone knowing such as stressing over fitting into a certain dress size before your high school reunion or indulging in an entire box of donuts in one sitting. The difference here is that your personal trainer is active unlike a passive therapist who will just sit there and nod in agreement! A personal trainer will do far more to help you. They will push you on and work you, stretching, pulling, exercising and advising, so they can help solve your weight issues. If you do not make the right decision, you could be putting your health at risk. That is the importance of knowing your trainer's philosophy before you begin working with them.

Knowing your personal trainers background and philosophy will give you vital tips to whether they are right for you. Ask them about their approach. Ask them where they were taught physical anatomy, nutrition, exercise and that is just a few of the questions you should get answers too. A certification from a vitamin supply company just isn't the same as someone who was pre-med in college before becoming a personal trainer. Learn what you can about how long they have be in the business of personal training, find out what is included in the program and ask for references of past and present clients.

Find out if, research is the basis for their workout programs or if they just try it and see if it works. Don't be part of a trial and error learning system. Check their record of accomplishment and see if it is just a generic regimen they use for every client or if you will get a regimen aimed specifically for your body. It is important to find out if they have a system in place or if they just make it all up as they go along.

A good way to see if your personal trainer is dedicated to helping you, is to ask them to see a copy of their philosophy and if they don't have it in writing, then they don't have one at all. It is very unlikely that that personal trainer will help you get the body you want.

Writing out a personal trainers philosophy not only shows you that your trainer is dedicated but organized and they take their job as a personal trainer seriously. They should keep track of their clients weight loss achievements and goals. This is the only way to prove and make sure that their methods are indeed effective and lead their clients to successful results. Consistent results should be on the top of the list when you choose a personal trainer.

A personal trainer is supposed to be someone that will work with you to meet your weight loss goals. If a personal trainer is not going to put in the time and effort to write out his personal philosophy on training than I cannot see how the same person would put their time and effort into helping you.

About the Author:

Josef Brandenburg is Washington, DCs top personal trainer for people on the go and has written the book - The Body You Want. To read his personal training philosophy visit the link.

Cosmic Ordering - The Right Way To Use The Service

By Janet Lumb

Many people are starting to think about being able to place an order with the universe for what you really want and actually receiving it. This is no surprise since there has been a significant increase in the publicity that cosmic ordering has received recently.

Now that a number of celebrities are vouching for cosmic ordering, everyone is ready to jump on this bandwagon. One question is still on my peoples minds though, what are the chances that an average person would have success?

Cosmic ordering can work for anyone. However, if you have been practicing cosmic ordering, but have not found success, you should look deeper into what you are doing. There is a good chance that your subconscious mind is blocking your attempts to place an order for what you really want.

Everybody has the right to take advantage of the cosmic ordering service in order to receive things that they desire. There are a number of people that will point out the fact that they never asked to become ill or fall into financial ruin and they are absolutely right.

The problem does not lie with the cosmic ordering service, but with the way that the desires are channeled. Try not to say things like, 'I really don't want to become ill'. This is an example of a negative way of seeking what you want.

Approach your request from a more positive aspect, asking for what you really want, rather than stating what you don't want. For example, saying 'I'm in such good health it's no surprise that I have never gotten ill'.

Many people fail in this area when they try to think positive or make affirmations. They don't picture themselves as they could be, only as they are. This simply reaffirms their positive in life rather than affirming the spot where they should be and really believing that they already received their cosmic order.

When often carry the belief systems of others with us throughout our lives. If you were told as a child that you were fat, skinny, stupid or anything negative, these comments likely changed the belief that you have for yourself.

If we were living in a perfect world, each and every child would be raised with the support and knowledge that the do indeed deserve everything that they want in this life. Instead we are taught as children that we don't deserve the things we want unless we earn them through many hours of very hard work.

It is also wrong to always say that we should count our blessings. There is no good reason that we should be willing to settle for next to nothing. There are enough riches in the world for everybody. There is so much in fact that that it could stretch to infinity.

If you feel that the only way to get what you want is to covet the riches of other people, then you are reinforcing the belief that others have more and you have less. Instead you should be happy for people that have riches and believe that the universe holds enough well for each and every one of us.

Does the power of positive thinking really have an effect on our lives? You bet it does. To stress this point, remember that there are scientific studies that have proven that a human's brain is able to create waves of energy that are able to move a quark.

The most difficult part of practicing cosmic ordering is learning to free ourselves of all of our negative beliefs. These negative beliefs that are embedded firmly in our memory banks have to be swept away. In order to accomplish this you must be prepared to use every tool that is at your disposal.

Have no fear; there are some very powerful aids at our disposal. Self hypnosis and subliminal suggestion are two very powerful tools that are effective at targeting our subconscious minds. By gaining access to our subconscious mind, we can begin to systematically wipe away the negative thoughts that are preventing us from benefiting from the cosmic ordering service.

You are able to control your own future but you need to believe this beyond a shadow of a doubt. By using the tools that are available you can clear the blockages in your subconscious mind and order all the things you desire for the cosmic ordering service.

About the Author:

Janet Lumb is one of the experts who writes for the popular cosmicorderinginfo.com website. You can find out how easy it really is to be successful at Cosmic Ordering when you visit this site. Change your life forever with a huge collection of Cosmic Ordering Success Secrets Audios.

ADHD Explained

By Anne Durrell

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD is a behavioral disorder. It can cause impulsive actions, hyperactivity and the inability to focus or concentrate.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder can affect both adults and children. To find out what is ADHD, you have to understand the symptoms, and the affects as well as the way it is treated.

The Warning Signs

ADHD symptoms can be confusing because many of the symptoms are simply natural behaviors that children exhibit in childhood. The difference between ADHD symptoms and natural behavior, though, is that in a child with ADHD the behaviors are displayed frequently and on a regular basis.

Another complication about recognizing ADHD symptoms is that they can vary greatly. Not only will they vary from person to person, but also one person may have varied symptoms over the course of time.

Here are the most common warning signs of ADHD:

* Twitching

* Too much talking

* Problem communicating thoughts

* Inappropriate behavior

* Extreme energy

* Problem with concentration

The Outcome

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder can greatly affect the patient's life. For kids it can cause bad grades as well as discipline problems in school, and it can cause disruption in families.

In adults, ADHD can cause problems with work and family life. A person with ADHD can make careless mistakes, may not complete tasks and lack organizational skills.

Treatment

Handling of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder usually involves prescription. One thing that is most used by doctors to treat a person with ADHD is stimulants. The stimulants can cause a reverse affect in patients with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and help calm them down.

Therapy is also used to help the patient and their family learns to deal with symptoms and learn what is ADHD.

As you can see it can be difficult to say exactly what is ADHD. However, for those suffering from it or those who have a loved with it, ADHD can cause many issues and is very real.

There is a lot of controversy surrounding the disorder, but through constant study and research more and more is being discovered every day.

About the Author:

Her name is Anne Durrel. She comes from California. She has written extensively on Bipolar and ADHD . You may want to check out her other guide on adhd test tips, and bipolar chat guide!

Mind Power And The Law Of Attraction

By John H Wood

In the '80s, the United Negro College Fund ran a series of television and radio spots with the slogan 'A mind is a terrible thing to waste.' That slogan goes beyond getting minorities into colleges, and on to every day life. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have to create the life you want.

Everyone in the reach of Western Media has, by now, heard of The Secret, or The Law of Attraction. In a nutshell, whatever you positively visualize in your life, you'll achieve. Even if you don't consciously direct it, your perceptions of the world will alter how the world happens to you. People with negative attitudes draw negative events to them, and people with positive attitudes draw good fortune to them.

In scientific studies, this is sometimes called the observer effect, or the Placebo Effect. More plausibly, it's that keeping a good mental attitude and a solid set of goals in mind keeps you mentally prepared to take advantage of opportunities you'd've overlooked before. Opportunism is one of the great defining characteristics of successful people; though this is also the reason why hypochondriacs get sick more often as well. What you believe will alter how you interact with the world, and how you see your own 'personal karma'.

More proof, think about when you have gotten up in the morning thinking this was going to be a bad day, or 'one of those days.' Is it not remarkable that you will then have one of those days? It is not coincidence, if there is one thing that you should know by now everything happens for a reason. The reason is your mind.

Quantum mechanics talks about the 'observer effect' and how information in the system alters the outcomes. While the link between quantum mechanics and The Secret is tenuous, the same guiding principle applies to the Law of Attraction. Your ability to observe the universe alters it.

Some of the more fringe scientific studies are trying to link this observer effect to thinks like remote viewing, telepathy, and other 'supernatural' powers. An even greater extension is that everything we see, feel and hear; all of our sensory inputs, may well be something 'stitched together' into a narrative by our minds. On the extreme end, this leads to solipsism, the belief that nothing is real until you observe it, and the question of 'If a tree falls in the woods, and nobody's around, does it make any sound?'

Although you may not even have considered it before; learning how to use the power of your mind is vitally important to having a great life! Obviously it is better to have your assets working for you instead of working against you. Let's take a closer look at how to use the power of your mind to achieve what you want.

Start with a goal. Visualize it clearly in your mind. Make it a goal with boundaries; for example, if you're thinking about money, don't think of the goal in the context of 'A lot of money'. Put a dollar figure on it. Make it a real goal, with precision. Once the goal is set, focus your mental actions on achieving that goal. Keep the effort constant; don't do it in bursts and lags.

Some people are aware of the power of their mind; they focus on tasks, they set goals, they make lists, and they follow through them. You can see them; they're the ones who always seem to have a plan and who always focus on what's around them. Everything they do is aimed at furthering that goal, and with their mind and will ruling their passions, they have a palpable air of success. This success isn't difficult to emulate; it's very simple. It just requires clarity of purpose and focus.

Imagine completely altering your life by actively taking part in the influence your mind has on your reality. Say that you wanted a new house. You want that new house so much that it almost becomes an obsession. You think about it all the time, you have even planned the landscape and the color of the master bathroom. Everything you do has to do with getting that house. It could be improving your performance at work, clocking the commute from that new house to your job, looking at paint at the local Home Depot, reading up on how to get a good mortgage. You might even start buying a few small things for that new house.

Then all of a sudden that dream house is for sale. Not only for sale, but you qualify for the mortgage. Even better the owners accept the offer you made, you close the deal and you are able to move into your new house in 30 days. Everything you had been doing, all of the energy, all of the thoughts were towards getting that house and you got it.

It's up to you to make your life. You can either sit passively by and let life happen to you, or you can grab it and direct it using the power of your mind. Work on small goals and build up to larger ones the same way small rocks can lead to a sturdy platform to see the world from. Don't let anyone or anything stand in the way of the power of your mind with the Law of Attraction.

About the Author:

The author John H Wood writes for the http://www.mindpower-info.com website. You can enjoy the incredible experience of using the power of mind for yourself and get 29 Free power of mind Binaural and hypnosis mp3 audios when you visit here.

Things Not To Do During A Break Up

By Anne Torres

It is normal to feel confused and anxious amidst the salvo of emotions that hit you during the breakup era. You can't ignore them and you definitely do not want to bring on a bout of depression by keeping it in.

However, try your best to control your emotions to a level where you can think rationally enough to decide on the next step to take. A good way to do this especially while the breakup is taking place is to take a step back to collect your thoughts before taking any other form of action. You don't even have to respond immediately once you get the news from your significant other. Just give yourself a few minutes and take note of the next step.

Most people, myself included, have made the mistake of begging for a second chance and asking our significant other why he/she came to that decision. It is usually our first response and it is also very much the wrong response. Even worse is when it becomes you're only response by text messaging or calling every one or two minutes, rushing to their house and banging on the door amongst other irrational acts.

In doing so, you give up your position of confidence and come off as a weakling who cannot survive without your other half. You are effectively placing him/her on a pedestal above you which further separates the common ground you both once shared together. This is not going to get you anywhere closer to saving your relationship!

Never start rationalizing the cause of your breakup because it will lead to self blame and open up so many unanswerable questions.

More often than not, the reason for a breakup may turn out to be an extremely small problem that unfortunately blew up in proportion. Don't beat yourself down because it may affect your feelings in a negative manner towards your significant other when you do successfully win them back.

About the Author:

Heal my broken heart from the, how to avoid breakup, to avoid a breakup - are these things bothering you? Don't worry, you are not the only one who is suffering from pain. There are ways to get over it.